Have you ever been somewhere or doing something, and you think it seems as if you were dreaming? A large part of this trip has seemed that way to me. The part where I was told Cade's regulation was very much worse than we ever thought. The part where I cried while my little boy sobbed against my shoulder and begged me to go home. The part where I watched his eyes light up as he flew down the zip line for the first time. The part where he handed Julianna a prize, the therapist that was so tough for him at first - he was now showing her that she was indeed his friend. And so many other parts in between...
On Monday night we received a blanket from the Ron McD House...another blessing from the many volunteers here. I picked this particular blanket because of it's bright colors - I thought the boys would love it. But when I turned it over I saw the sweetest blessing of all. Inscribed on the back, written in a child's handwriting...
"Live well, laugh often and love much." Yep, that pretty much says it all. Like most families of a special needs child I don't think we live well nearly enough...Cade's needs often come before the rest of us purely out of necessity. Kai rarely gets to pick which cup, popsicle, sticker - the list goes on and on - that he wants because it really isn't a big deal to him...but it is a huge deal to Cade, so he usually chooses first. Eric and I rarely have time to even have a conversation unless it is well before bedtime...it takes Cade so long to get to bed that it needs to be a team effort. I rarely take time for myself because I'm just plain worn out by the time evening gets here (I'll have you know that I just ordered Jillian Michaels' "30 Day Shred" DVD...yep, probably won't be able to move , but at least I'll be taking time for myself!).
And we definitely don't laugh nearly as often as we should. Sometimes things become so overwhelming that it is too hard to laugh...can you imagine that? Too hard to laugh??!! We have got to get better at that, we need to get better at that...for regardless of how it all seems right now - right now in the brief moment of Cade's life - it won't always be this way. And I want the boys to have fond memories of us just laughing...
I will say I hope that we do love much. It is often hard to love what is happening...when Cade is off the deep end and we are just trying to pull him back on board...it seems hard to love. But we do love Cade and Kai...and it is for that reason, and that reason alone, that we are taking this journey as a family. Because we must go through all of this together in order to come out together on the other end.
So, no matter how often I have seen it, or how cheesy it might sound -- this will be our new family motto. We vow to live well, laugh often and love much. And thanks to both the blessings and trials that we have already experienced, and will surely continue to experience through this journey called Sensory Processing Disorder, I think we will succeed in making our motto true for us...and hopefully pave the way for our little boys to believe it in their hearts and live it with us...
Oh Amy,you have totally hit the nail on the head with this one. My therapist asked me one day where do I find enjoyment, I had to tell her that I don't have any enjoyment. I know that sounds horrible, but it was sadly true. We are so busy taking care of the needs of our family and going to appointments and rushing through every other thing that comes up that we never really slow down enough to even see what is going on. Tonight I was at the grocery store with Moses and Solomon sitting in the large part of the cart. We had been in the meat and freezer departments and it was cold there so they had pulled up the back of their shirts and had the back of the neck hole over the top and back of their heads. I told them to stop being silly and pull their shirts down, that people would think they were weird or something. They kept saying not till we got out of that area. I said come on guys, pull your shirts down. There was a man standing near us and he looked me in the eye and said "Enjoy EVERY minute of it because they won't be little forever." People say this sort of thing all the time, I've even told others with new babies this very same thing. Why wasn't I enjoying this? The boys were not arguing or being loud or crying or grabbing things off the shelf, I should have been thrilled. But, I was too busy trying to get everything on my list that I didn't even pay any mind to it. I thought about this and told them, when we got in the car, that was very proud of them for being so good in the store and being such goods boys all evening. After telling them this I felt better and I think they did too...they were all hugs when we got home. We do need to stop and see what is happening instead of going through the motions. We know this but sometimes forget and need a small reminder. Isn't it wonderful how God puts "reminders", some very obscure, in our path to help "keep us on track". I wonder how many times WE have been a reminder to someone else. I pray every night that God will guide me down His path the next day and help me to do His will, not others, and to help our family remember that we love each other and that no one loves us more, except the Lord, than our family and no one will always be there, except the Lord, but our family. I am so glad that this trip has brought out so many things to help Cade work through his, and your family's, life and that the path that God has already laid for you, and Cade, is being walked upon (God's path for you) every day. I have really had you guys on my mind and have been praying for you. Just think about all the ways that God prepared you to be Cade's mom, even since your birth. All the situations you have experienced, everything that you have learned, all the people you have met....they have all been for now, being a Mom for Cade and Kai and being a wife to your husband and being a witness to everyone, of what God can and will do for those who DO walk His path and not their own. Thank you for being a reminder to me to enjoy my family, even in the midst of our struggles and obstacles, and to continue to ask God to point us where to go. Thank you, for YOU!
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