Swallowed up

The last few weeks have been some of the most taxing I have had since I entered Mommyhood.  Cade has been struggling with regulation, then Kai got sick, then Cade got sick (and sicker!)...it seems like I cannot seem to keep my head above water lately.  Every time I turn around I feel like I am being pulled in a different direction -- tonight Eric had choir at church and I was hoping getting the kids to bed early would provide just a little time for me to sit down before midnight...I just got back from putting Cade back to bed for the 4th time...*sigh...

I feel swallowed up...like the giant Biblical whale has come and just sucked me in.  I always thought Jonah was so stupid in that story.  I mean, come on...God tells you to go somewhere and you just say, "Nah...I don't really like those people over in Nineveh so I think I'll pass..."  Jonah was such a fool - trying to rob God of blessing him. 

But I think I have a whole new understanding of Jonah.  I have struggled, resisted, cried and whined.  I have tried to fix things my own way, all the while knowing that God really cannot bless my days if I'm not allowing Him to have control of them.  But do you know how hard that is?!  I mean, when I've got a 2-year-old redecorating my entire house with a black Sharpie marker (I'm taking suggestions on how to remove it please!!), a 4-year-old whose diet now consists of saltine crackers and salsa, and the only free time I seem to get is at 1 in the morning...it's really making me wonder if anyone is in control!

I am so blessed to have several who I call friends that are going down this same road with me (thanks for the chat tonight, Christie!).  It is amazing how God has used our trials to introduce me to so many other warriors who are dealing with SPD, Autism, and other special needs with their kiddos.  God has given me an awesome support system, even through those besties whose kids are typical -- I get such sound advice and lifting up from them.  I think many times it is only through others that we survive...God really knew what he was talking about when he said that Adam shouldn't be alone (ok, so I do think He should have made a best friend for Eve who was a female...the friend could probably have talked her out of listening to that snake...).

So for now I'll keep plugging along with the help of my friends (whoa...The Beatles just popped right into my mind with their song...) and family.  And I suppose I will wait for MY Nineveh.  But maybe, God, could you send me somewhere for a short while without kids and with plenty of candy corn??