As the fog begins to lift...

What an unbelievable last week we have had here.  Even as I sit down to write this I am overwhelmed with the emotion, the blessings. and the thankfulness for all that has been during the last few days.  I have always heard that it is the darkest before the dawn.  I know that the last several months have been extremely dark at times...sometimes overwhelmingly so.  But we have persevered...and we are seeing what I believe to be our little boy coming out of the fog.

Last Thursday I accidentally began an experiment that has helped to lead us to this time.  Of course we know nothing is truly by accident.  I have worked to follow the directions of the doctors who have diligently tried to help Cade.  There was a time early this year when he was running out of the house impulsively...he even crossed the road to our neighbors.  This event, and the other impulsive things that were happening with him, caused the need to put him on a medication that would help with these behaviors.  I researched the meds, and I found many other children with adhd, autism, and other issues that took the meds with great results.  We became one of those statistics...the meds did work well with Cade's impulsive behaviors.  And in order to get to the next layer of helping his sensory issues we absolutely had to get those behaviors as under control as possible.

Throughout the process of healing Cade this year we have peeled off layer by layer of his deficits.  We were told from the beginning, as we peeled back each layer we would be confronted by the next one.  I think "confronted" is too mild of a word in this case...it seems we were assaulted by what was next!  We saw this from the very beginning of his occupational therapy...as we tackled his sensitivities there would be another behavior that would show up.  This is just the nature of this beast called SPD and Autism...there are so many layers to uncover.

Each time, though, I felt that we were getting closer to the real Cade...the little boy that was once there - the one I am absolutely sure that I gave birth to and that I had SEEN before that ugly beast took hold of him.  As hard as it was I just tried to reassure myself that we would get to a layer eventually that would begin to show us that this was possible...that helping Cade would be something we could really do.  After going to the STAR Center, the major breakthroughs we had there were spectacular!  And life-saving -- for all of us.  It was then that I really could see the light at the end.  And that regardless of what kind of tunnel we had, at least we had one to go through.  And after our work at STAR we saw Cade's autism blatantly staring us in the face...where it was once just something at the back it quickly became another major obstacle for him, for all of us

That brings me back to my "accidental" experiment last Thursday.  As usual we got ready and dropped Kai off at preschool, then came home to read a book and get ready for Cade's school day.  No problems...he had a snack, did some sensory diet activities, and off we went.  After dropping him off I did errands, picked up Kai, and then headed to the car-rider line to pick up Cade.  Then he got into the van...

What happened next is something that I am quite sure I will remember forever.  It was one of those days that becomes ingrained in your heart as a parent, one that was so unusual that you just cannot help but believe in the divine intervention of our Heavenly Father.  Cade begin telling me all about his day.  He went on and on all about everything that had happened...about what he had for snack and about how he played and who he played with.  Choking back tears I just talked and talked to him...all the while wondering where in the world this was coming from, but thanking God all the while for giving it to me!

You see, there was one thing that happened differently that Thursday morning.  We had to go to Cade's developmental ped. to get blood drawn for our lab work we are doing with the specialist in Asheville.  This change in routine caused me to forget something...Cade's morning dose of medicine.  Cade had gone to school without his meds...the meds that were helping him with his impulsivity and that, we are still definitely sure, were working so well.

Now y'all know I was over the moon with this scenario.  I couldn't wait to tell Eric all about it.  When all was said and done we decided to take him off of his morning dose on Sunday morning and just see what happened.  In the meantime, we began to remove the gluten and casein slowly from his diet (Cade will be going TOTALLY gluten and casein free during the second week of November).  As his foods have run out I have been replacing them with the gfcf ones...and also trying to go as organic as possible (do y'all know how expensive it is to eat healthy??!!).

The "boys" at a restaurant...it was one of the best we've had in so long!

This week has been phenomenal.  I have had conversations with my son that I thought would never be possible a year ago.  I have seen his personality return, even blossom.  I have seen his interest in school sky-rocket...he now tells me that he wants to learn to read.  He has played with Kai...I mean really played -- and he has become the big brother that I wished for Kai to have.  I have received more hugs and kisses than I have his whole life.  We have laughed together, shared stories, and just hung out together.  It has been unbelievable.



The boys making snowmen from "Floam"

 I know we have so many more hurdles to overcome...his OCD still rears his ugly head and his quirks are still very obvious.  But he is coming back to us.  I don't know how else to say it other than just that...we are getting our little boy back.  And as the fog begins to lift I am overwhelmed by this gift.  For I know that we may, I'm sure we will, have setbacks.  But this glimpse of hope has made me stronger than anything that we have done so far.  And for those of you who remember the poem "Welcome to Holland" (you can find it in one of my early blogs on this site!)...well, the fog in Holland has been pretty thick most days.  But God's light is shining brightly down on us here in Holland now, and I caannot wait to see what the future holds...