Wait for the Lord

Ok, so I have been trying to complete this blog post since last Wednesday...it was then that Kai got sick and ended up with Croup and then Cade came home with a fever on Friday afternoon.  Oh, and did I mention Eric was out of town??  Thankfully my parents came in town and were able to distract a bit from the cries of "Mama" that enundated this house!  And then we got a last-minute cancellation call to the specialist we were scheduled to see in Asheville - that's another post.  A crazy few days for sure.  The kids are still not feeling well, but I'm stealing this brief moment in time while they're sleeping to hopefully finish this post!  If you don't see this on Tuesday then you'll know it didn't happen! :)

I have been doing a wonderful Bible study called "The Call to Discipleship" by Erilynne Barnum.  It is taking my friends and I through the Bible and we have been shown the most unbelievable truths that have always been there but that we have never discovered.  Last Tuesday night we were in Genesis 18, the story of Abram, Sarai, and Hagar.  And as always God nailed me with His word...

I'm sure many of you know the story, but just as a refresher it goes like this...God had told Abram that he and Sarai would have a child.  Both were old and well past child-bearing years - I'm sure that's why Sarai laughed - but they waited and year after year Sarai was not expecting.  Finally Sarai decided that, since it was not unusual for this to be a common practice in that day (like a surrogate mother), since Hagar was just there and apparently young and fertile that maybe God expected the two of them to take matters into their own hands and use Hagar to have their child.  Because of this decision, because Sarai and Abram did not wait on God's timing, the world is still feeling the effects.

So God was definitely speaking to me here.  I think that waiting on God's timing is my biggest struggle in life.  I am a "want it done yesterday" kinda person (ok, with a bit of self-procrastination thrown into the mix, I'll admit!).  I think the hardest thing to do after I actually ask God to lead us down the right path is to actually allow Him to do it. 

Having a special needs kiddo has turned me into a detective.  I am constantly trying to research the lastest and greatest ways sensory kids are being treated, what the latest findings are, and what the best strategies seem to be.  I am always searching for what we should be doing that we are not, and then trying to figure out how we can begin doing what we should!  It's a little irritating at times, even to myself. 

And while I am thankful that God gave us such a wealth of strategies and means to find all of this information, it is extremely hard for me not to take it and run with it.  What am I lacking??  The ability to stop, ask, and wait and listen!  The ability to wait on God's timing...and the ability to accept it.

So as I continue this journey with Cade, and embark on our next big step to try to heal him, I will fervently try to give it up to God.  And to wait on Him...all the while seceretly hoping that His will might line up just a little with my own...