"All I need to do is fall..."

Today I am feeling overwhelmed and underpaid.  I know I should feel like just being with my boys is payment enough, and most days it simply is.  But today has been one of those -- a day where I would have given anything to just roll over and pull the covers over my head so the day would just roll right on past.  I guess this day actually started around midnight last night...that was when Cade began knocking on the wall of his bedroom screaming, "Daddy, let me out!!"  It was just downhill from there...long story short I ended up with both boys in my bed by 4 am and Eric sleeping in Cade's bed.

I'm not sure if it was simply the lack of sleep, the overall exhaustion of the situation, or a combination of the two...but today was just one of those.  And try as I might I just couldn't shake it off today...Cade climbing into his dresser drawer to climb to the top of his closet -- yep, that ended with a destroyed dresser drawer.  Being on the phone and email with the school system -- yep, that ended with no new information.  Two, count um...TWO spilled boxes of NERDS candies all over the living room floor -- yep, that actually hasn't ended yet because I haven't had the chance or energy to clean them up!  A monster meltdown over a computer game -- yep, that ended just as it began, as a monster meltdown because Cade lacks the reasoning to determine that he must keep the computer mouse on the game to make the character move.  Shoot - just writing all about this makes me tired!

Today I have been burdened, almost suffocated, with discouragement.  It seems as though Satan only needs a teeny, tiny little window and he can just slide right in and beat me down.  Today I have been inundated with thoughts about what we can't do...I can't take the kids to the water park or to the beach with friends because I have no idea how Cade might react and I cannot handle him alone.  I can't visit the public library for a story time because I am quite sure we would never make it through without being way too disruptive.  I can't even manage to get us unpacked from our trip fully because I am spending my time fending off meltdowns, arguments, and working on intentional play with Cade.  And although it is just two weeks before a brand new school year will start, I can't buy my little boy school supplies from his list because we still have no idea where he will be placed.

Yes, today I have wallowed a bit in the discouragement of our situation...thrown quite a pity party at the fact that, yet again, we are dealing with these trials that I would much rather just forget about.  Yet throughout our journey so many have encouraged me with God's written word.  I continue to be amazed at how God can just drop a verse right smack dab in my lap.  Today that verse is Deuteronomy 31:8  "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged."  The Message version says this: "God is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you. Don't be intimidated. Don't worry."

So even though today I feel as if I am definitely wearing way too many hats...there's absolutely no way I can be everything and everyone that it seems I must be right now...today God has already gone down this road for me.  Even though the discouragement is eating me up and often making it hard to even breathe...God has already gone through this day - and He is waiting on the other side with His arms open to just catch me...all I need to do is just fall...