5 years ago today my life changed forever. After many years of trying unsuccessfully, praying, and beginning to believe it wasn't meant to be...5 years ago today I became a mom. 5 years ago today my priorities changed, my name changed, and my heart changed. I had no idea just how much this journey would change me...would change all of us. For 5 years ago today God blessed me with Cade.
I often think back to those early days when Cade was first born. Eric was in Iraq doing his 2nd deployment there, I was a new stay-at-home mom thinking I knew at least some of what this new little life would bring. I remember thinking that I couldn't believe has actually mine...but knowing that he had already taken up so much of my heart in just those first few days.
I should have known even then that something wasn't exactly right. And I think I probably did. He didn't have Autism then, but he was so sick as a tiny baby. Milk made him sick and I can remember taking at least 2 changes of clothes in the car for each of us...he never failed to mess up at least one of them during an outing. His tummy aches were rough and he couldn't sleep for more than a couple of hours without waking up sick. But even through all of that he was such a great baby. He was so happy and interactive, and so eager to do whatever it was that I had planned.
It is hard to believe that 5 years have passed...and we have been through two major life-changing diagnoses, a whole host of therapies, and many medicines. And we have watched as we lost our little boy...and we have watched as we found him again. And we are still watching as Cade keeps finding his way in a world that is often hard for him.
I sure didn't know just what this journey would be for us. And I still don't know what the journey will be. But I know that God made Cade special for a reason. And I cannot wait to see where He takes Cade...where He takes all of us...through the life of just one special son.
When Eric came home from Iraq we had Cade dedicated at our church. Eric sang the song "Find Your Wings" to Cade that day. I never could have imagined just how much meaning that song would have just 5 short years later. Here is the song and official video:
We have had a rough evening around here and could use a little humor. So please indulge me as I craft out a little piece that has been rolling around in my head for oh, say about a month...about the time I started potty training Kai. Now this isn't my first rodeo...Cade was so hard to train and I thought I would die! So this time around I was sure I had seen it all...after all, how much easier it will be to train a typical little boy after training one with special needs, right? Ummm, no. So here's a little something I have deduced about potty training boys...well, at least potty training my boys...
There are basically 10 things that you should know before beginning to potty train your little boy:
1. Two-year-old boys will do anything for candy.
2. Said candy will always fall into the toilet.
3. Said two-year-old boy will always reach into the toilet to collect the fallen candy.
4. You must be quick to collect the candy from said two-year-old's hand before he gets it to his mouth.
5. No matter how many times you sing "The Potty Dance" the two-year-old will not use the potty on command.
6. The tricks to make the two-year-old use the potty, like turning on the water in the sink, will not make the two-year-old use the potty...they will, however, cause you to go running into the other bathroom rather quickly.
7. Sitting on the potty and reading books for an extended amount of time begins at a very young age...like around two years old...and it never stops.
8. Flushing the toilet is perhaps one of the most exciting things two-year-old boys will do in the potty...and actually using the potty is not required for this action.
9. The wonderful sticker chart that you made and the stickers you so carefully picked out for the occasion, though a nice touch, are a novelty that two-year-old boys could do without...refer to #1.
10. Hand-washing is not a normal part of a two-year-old boy's plan after using the potty...you must remain steady with feet firmly planted while wrestling said two-year-old boy in one hand, managing the small toddler stool designed to help said boy reach the sink while not killing your leg on it, and turn on the faucet/apply soap/dry hands with the other hand. ALERT: When said two-year-old boy determines how to do this action alone prepare to fish him out of the sink numerous times throughout the day.
Here's to all the moms who have ever, or who will ever, potty train a little boy..."May the odds be ever in your favor!" (ok, so I stole this from The Hunger Games...but don't you think it's fitting here?)
*I would love to hear your potty training stories...I could use some encouragement, ideas, and just plain comic relief!!*
I cannot remember a day lately that we haven't had somewhere to go. Between Cade and Kai going to school on different schedules and therapies it is rare to have a day at home. Today, though, Cade is home with a nasty ear infection and an even nastier cough, and since Kai is still recovering from an upper respiratory infection from last week...well, I would say THAT constitutes as a sick day. Which means pajamas and staying home!!!
Cade got the cars from the CARS 2 movie for Christmas...he has developed quite a fascination for wheels and cars and trucks of any kind (which can be very difficult sometimes!), but he especially loves these little cars. They have now been transported to North Carolina and back, to numerous therapies, and a few have even had the luxury of traveling to PreK in his backpack now and then. These little cars seem to get around, so we might see them anywhere...it is a bit daunting to look up from the toilet and see a little pair of car eyes staring back at you...
Cade is also pretty possessive of these cars. It is a rarity that Kai is even allowed to touch them, must less play with them. Kai is pretty good about this...he is used to dealing with Cade's quirks. But being at the end of his two-year-old year has proven to be a challenge...I swear he is going through his second round of "Terrible Two's" and his ability to push Cade's buttons has increased ten-fold. So I have been the referee of more than one boxing match (ok, so not really...but I have threatened to put them in a ring and let them go at it...) over these cars.
Today, though, Radiator Springs found it's way to our living room. For those of you who don't know, Radiator Springs is the setting of the CARS movie. It is a little town off of Route 66...one that has long been forgotten but is brought back to life after Lightening McQueen, the famous race car, finds his way accidentally into town. He meets forever friends there, including Tow Mater, the hilarious country-bumpkin tow truck who becomes his best friend.
Ok, I'll take off my movie reviewer hat (I LOVE the movie almost as much as Cade!) and get back to my story. As I was doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen...or doing one of the never-ending chores that seem to arise around here...I notice that it has been pretty quiet for a little while in the living room. That typically spells disaster...so of course I peek around the corner to find out what is going on. There I see the boys playing on the couch, and they have set up there own little Radiator Springs. Cade as one car and Kai has another, and the two of them are acting out some play activity that they have come up with. Then Cade spontaneously erupts into his quite funny rendition of "Life is a Highway" (the theme song from the movie), and the two of them race around the couch with their cars.
Never mind the fact that they really aren't supposed to be playing with the cushions off of the couch (is there a boy ANYWHERE who can actually not take the cushions off??), I am so excited to see them playing together with such imagination. Cade was so often in his own world for so long that I always catch my breath a little when I see him now interacting so normally with Kai. It makes me so excited for him, for both of them, and for the future relationship that I hope will continue to strengthen between them as Cade is healed.
So here's to a sick day and to little metal cars with eyes! And here's to imagination -- we welcome you any time to our house...just pull up a chair and stay a while!
I love the book Charlotte's Web...it is the first real chapter book I can remember reading as a kid. I love how Wilbur, a short-legged "squeaky" little pig, is befriended by sweet Charlotte...and how she makes it her mission to help save him from the chopping block. It is a story of innocence, friendship, love, real-life heartbreak, and triumph.
What I love most in the story is how Charlotte uses her web to create a saving spot for Wilbur. The sweet spider surprises the farmer first with "Some Pig"...just two simple little words that sends the farmer and his family into a life-changing ride. Some Pig...what a description. Wilbur was some pig...he was able to beat the odds, and with a lot of help and encouragement from the others in the barnyard he was able to triumph over adversity. Let's face it...without Charlotte and the others Wilbur would have been a crispy strip on a plate before the summer ended.
Tonight I am bragging...full of pride for our little "Wilbur" here at home. Cade was chosen by his teacher as a "Terrific Kid." Yes, those irritating little yellow bumper stickers that always made me roll my eyes...we now have one. The little paper certificate stamped with his name...about to be proudly displayed in our house. The little blue pencil...snatched up before it could be sharpened to be included in his keepsake book. We are now the parents of a "Terrific Kid" -- and even though we thought he was pretty terrific already it sure is nice to have someone else say it!
Just before the program started.
So yesterday I watched through teary eyes as my little four-year-old champion...my brave little man who has battled so much...I watched as he nervously chewed on his shirt sleeve then calmly marched up on the big stage to shake hands and accept his award. My heart sang as I listened to his teacher's words...even as I prayed he would be able to keep it together to go on the stage, shake with the right hand, let the man put a sticker on his shirt...and I soared as he calmly came off the stage and waved his certificate at my camera.
Cade and all of the other "Terrific Kids" in PreK and Kindergarten (he is the 4th from the left on the front row - or the only one who isn't holding his certificate up!)
Cade was pretty proud!
Cade's battle is ongoing and his battle scars are many...but I consider this one milestone on our road to recovery from all that autism and sensory processing disorder has stolen from him. For as much as it is true that when Cade was born I never imagined we would be fighting this battle, it is also true that I did not think he would be able to get this far in the war at only 4 years old.
And just like Wilbur, Cade has had many "Charlotte's" along the way to help him fight his battle. Kelly, our first OT, helped us find our way when we were so brand new at this. And then Julianna, who Cade so quickly bonded with in Colorado...she had the ability to really see inside of Cade and help him find his way...she paved the way for his success back home. And our OT Heather, who has become another family member to us...she can get Cade's full potential out of him more than anyone I know.
Mrs. Teri, who always saw Cade as just another little boy...she has always allowed me to be just another mom instead of a "special needs mom." And Mrs. McTeer and Mrs. Burdette...they took a wobbly little boy and have made him into a shining star this year. And so many family members and friends who have helped us "fit it" when it really wasn't possible to do so.
And I will forever be indebted to a couple of little people...little ones whose tender hearts have helped to make my little boy comfortable and at ease. Little Noah, who never failed to bring a smile to Cade regardless of the situation, and who was always able to understand - even at three years old - that Cade needed a little extra TLC. He will forever be a true friend to Cade and, even though he has moved away, hold such a special place in our hearts.
And little Ginnifer, Cade's angel this year...who immediately took Cade under her wing on Day One of such a scary "big school experience"...she remains his favorite person in the class (ok, so a little obsessively, I must admit!). Her sweet, sweet spirit is far beyond her years, and she will always be remembered for her kind soul and motherly disposition. I can rest assurred that she is taking care of Cade while he is at school.
Charlotte wrote many other phrases to help Wilbur fight his own battle..."Radiant" and "Humble" were also included in her mantra. But my favorite was the second choice she made...
*Charlotte is looking for a new message to write in her web... Goose: "How about terrific, terrific, terrific?" Charlotte: "Cut that down to one terrific and I think that will do nicely." Wilbur: "But Charlotte, I'm not terrific." Charlotte: "You're terrific as far as I'm concerned."
Yes, Cade...you are terrific...and I am so proud of you. So just keep licking your battle scars and keep on fighting, my son...for this battle will be the toughest I pray you will EVER have to fight. And I will be right here with you, fighting for you and right beside you, until we win...
What a month...I have been on an unintentional blogging hiatus simply because of all that we have had going on here! We have started on our healing quest to help Cade, and the changes have been a bit of a whirlwind! But all things considered it's going well...and now that I have a second to breathe I wanted to stop and just talk about being truly thankful on this Thanksgiving!
A few weeks ago we took Cade to a DAN Doctor (Defeat Autism Now!) in Asheville, NC. There we completed a series of tests to determine exactly what we were dealing with as far as actual medical concerns. Long story short...it was found that Cade has toxic levels of both mercury and arsenic, as well as other organotoxins (which are assumed to be pesticide poisons). He also has excessive yeast in his system, and bloodwork showed a potential gluten sensisitivity.
So after picking ourselves up from the floor we set out to determine the where, why, and what do we do about it. There is much involved, but basically it is found that children with Autism Spectrum Disorders typically are not able to get rid of toxins in their bodies like those of us who are neuro-typical. So any toxins that enter Cade's body is retained, makes its way through the bloodstream, and then proceeds to affect the brain and organ systems. Information from the doctor and my extensive research following these results found that arsensic has been being used in chickens to attempt to prevent a disease from infecting them. Ok, so...ARSENIC IN CHICKEN?!?!Apparently this has been happening for years...and wow -- the FDA has recalled this medication only over the last few months due to health concerns, but for the children like Cade that have been consuming this substance over the years the damage is already done. We have removed all non-organic chicken from Cade's diet in hopes that we can keep any more arsenic from entering his body. As far as Mercury...it can be found as a pollutant from power companies, as a preservative in vaccinations, in fish like tuna, and I'm sure many other places that I haven't disovered yet.
SO.....in order to try to remove these dangerous toxins from Cade's body we are doing what is called chelation therapy - also called Intestional Metal Detox. This simply involves Cade taking a powder orally 5 days a week. We are hopeful that we will see changes in the next several weeks for the positive. We have also started him on a medication to help stop the excessive yeast that his body is producing. And I am happy to report that he is officially on a gluten-free/casein-free diet! And although he does miss some of his favorites (specifically cheese...I just CANNOT find a substitute that doesn't taste disgusting!!), he is doing so well, even asking "Does that have wheat in it? Because wheat makes me sick!" I am so proud of how well he is handling the changes...it was something I was dreading because I was so worried about him!
We are on the road to recovery, friends...I can feel it in my heart!! I know that we still have so far to go, and that there are many challenges that we have not even begun to tackle. But we are on the right track to making my little boy better. And I hope in the process I can help educate other parents and the public...we should all be outraged about the fact that we have poisonious substances going into our food. Our kids are sick and it is our job to take a stand and do something about it...but that's another soapbox for another time.
Last night as I was lying with Kai we were talking about Thanksgiving. Kai said, "Tomorrow is Thank you giving?" His funny and sweet innocence cracked me up...all he knows is it means Daddy is off for the whole day and that he will get good food!
So Happy Thank you giving everyone!! I am so thankful for all of you....for all of the love and support we have received from you this year and always! I am thankful for my two little boys and the constant surprises (ok, both good and bad!) that they bring. I am thankful for my husband who is such a wonderful daddy to them. And I am thankful that, no matter how difficult it has all been, God has given us the chance to lift Him up through a little boy named Cade...for it is through this little boy's miracles that we will truly see the glory of God.
Tonight we took the boys trick-or-treating. A normal occurrence for tonight in most homes...or at least going to church or other event where we feel the need to fill our kids' buckets with more candy than we would ever let them eat in an entire year, must less in one night. The night when we then bring them home and expect that they will just calmly have a bath, brush their teeth, put on their pjs and go quietly to sleep...I'm surprised the boys were asleep before 10 considering their excitement after ending our night.
As I write this, though, they are both completely wiped out in their beds sleeping soundly. And I cannot help but to sit down and reflect on my boys...to just think about all that they are becoming Before I had kids people used to always say that it would go so fast...not to blink because they would grow up before my eyes. I cannot believe just how true it is. And because I am always looking at Cade so closely - looking for any changes in him - I think I sometimes forget just how much he has grown up.
You know our last year has been a whirlwind. Tonight I sat and just thought about where we are now compared to where we were just one year ago. One year ago we had just gotten Cade's first diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder. I was diving into the research of what this SPD thing even was. We were setting up Occupational Therapy because that was the number one recommendation of our developmental pediatrician. We were ever so painfully trudging through Cade's school days...and I was holding my breath each day I picked him up and bracing myself for what had happened during his short 4 hours there.
One year ago we had just bought our new house - a single-level home on the river built in the 70's. Little did we know how scary living by the water would become when our son lost all sense of self control, climbed the fence, and stood on the dock "fishing:" when we found him. We were at the end of Cade's first attempt at playing team soccer...a bit of a disaster, and we just couldn't understand why he couldn't handle it. So much was happening one year ago that I could hardly catch my breath...I was grasping for God to just keep myself from collapsing with the overwhelming feeling of inadequacy, questioning what we would ever be able to do for our little boy.
Just six months ago Cade would not communicate with us except, on most occasions, through meltdowns and fits. He struggled to sleep at all, was not eating well, could not play a game with us without making sure it was absolutely on his own terms. He would not even speak to Kai on most occasions, and most of his interaction with him was throwing, screaming, and being generally unhappy with him. We were still plugging along through his school days just waiting for summer. It was six months ago I went to the Sensory Processing Disorder Symposium in Austin, TX...and it was six months ago that I learned about the STAR Center and we made the decision that it was the best chance we had of helping Cade. And just six months ago we were on the cusp of the diagnosis we were expecting but still shaken by...High-Functioning Autism.
This week I spent four days with Cade at therapy. I have transported Kai to preschool, rushed home to work with Cade on his sensory diet, taken Cade to school, picked up Kai from preschool, attempted to pick up some staples for the house, then rushed to the car-rider line to wait to pick up Cade. I have begun transforming our pantry and refrigerator to gluten-free/casein-free foods so that we can continue to remove them from his diet and geared up for our "cold turkey" change next week. I have watched Cade make it through his Halloween party at school, even when it involved him getting dressed in his costume, with just a minor bit of anxiety. I have watched him hug and kiss Kai at school and at church. I have watched, listened, and reprimanded the two of them as they fussed and argued about the toy that both of them just had to have at the very same moment, all the while secretly thanking God that Cade was able to have a normal argument with his little brother. I have spent 6 hours on the run each day.
And tonight I thank God for my crazy beautiful life. Because even though I'm stressed, behind on everything, and just plain pooped...I wouldn't trade this life for anything. For the joy of watching God heal my little boy of such tough neurological problems...that joy is worth my busy days and messy house. That joy is worth my late nights and piling laundry...it is so worth my living room rug being covered with matchbox cars.
So Happy Halloween, everyone! I cannot wait to look back next year, after my boys have fallen in their beds again exhausted by the festivities, and write about all that another year has brought. But there is one thing I am sure of,,,it will still be a crazy beautiful life!!
So thankful for this little clown and garbage man!
As I write this Eric is putting the boys into the bathtub. Actually he's running their second bath. As the boys were getting in the first one, Kai proceeded to pee right into the water. I heard Eric say, "Kai!! Don't pee in the bathtub!!" and followed with something to the effect of "Just go ahead and get in" to which I said, "You cannot put both boys in pee-filled bath water!"
It made me think...don't most of us just hang out in pee-filled bath water? I mean, we do something stupid and sinful...maybe not so bad, but stupid and sinful just the same. And it's really something that we could have taken care of...it might have taken some work to make it clean, but instead we just get in it anyway. We just hang out in our own "pee-filled bathtubs"! How can God wash us clean when we won't even let Him put in fresh water?!
Sorry if I have offended anyone...I am the mom of 2 boys and it takes a lot to gross me out! :) But I find it amusing when God just uses the small stuff to teach us a lesson. And you know Cade wasn't out of this conversation...after Eric's explanation to Kai that we don't pee in the bathtub I hear Cade exclaim, "I pee in the bathtub all the time!" I had to control my laughter from the kitchen...
On a side note...I had to share a couple of special Muckin Moments with you from today. Kai was crying after supper...a long story that involved unswallowed chicken and spilt milk...when Cade grabbed his sketchbook and markers and vanished into the pantry. He came out with his portrait of Kai...
This is the FIRST sad face that we have seen Cade draw, especially when using it to describe someone else...he is starting to not only notice the emotions and facial expressions of others, but he is also starting to be able to reproduce them!! I was SOOO excited...I took it out of his book, slapped a date and description on it, and plan to keep it forever!
Earlier in the afternoon Cade was playing with his cars. He included all of us (his own idea) and decided we could have a race all around the room. The details were fantastic...he even had us pull over to the pits and get our tires changed! :) The funniest moment...when Mary (yes, the mother of Jesus...) and one of the wise men became the racing officials!
Ir's beauty from the ashes, people...and I'm LOVING it! :)
