Tired and blessed

OK, so it's 10:11 pm Thursday night here (which makes it 12:11 am Friday morning at home!) and I have just now been able to sit down from our EXHAUSTING day!!  We have unpacked and both kids are completely flaked out in the bed - which, by the way, is where I would have liked to be several hours ago...but I could not go to bed without at least giving you a brief synopsis of how unbelievably blessed our journey has started.  Because so much has happened, and I'm so tired that I'm afraid I will forget all of it, I am just going to bullet today's truly supernatural events...

• Cade slept through the ENTIRE first flight...we were so happy because he was super anxious about flying.  He has been praying all week, "God, please help me not to be scared on the plane."  Glad we didn't have to deal with that one...
• I called the Ronald McDonald House in Aurora, CO the moment we touched down in Atlanta.  I am happy to report that I am writing from their computer room right now -- I was told there would be a room waiting.  There is more to this story, so keep reading...
• While in the Atlanta airport waiting for our delayed connection we met a wonderful lady from Seneca, SC.  She witnessed the meltdown that Cade had there (ok, so the getting up early and the flight and the delay was just more than he could handle), and came up and started talking to me.  Long story short - her son goes to Charleston Southern University, her husband went to Fruitland Institute in Edneyville, NC (that's about 5 miles from where I grew up!), and he is a pastor in Seneca now.  We had an awesome talk about all that God has done for us on getting to this journey and she will be praying for us.  I mean, come on people...what in the world are the chances that I would meet someone that knew anything about Edneyville, NC?!?!
• I went up to change our seats in the Atlanta airport (we were not sitting together so we were trying to fix that), and a gentleman standing at the gate let me know that he would be happy to change seats with us.  He went on to say that his son had just been diagnosed with autism (we just got that diagnosis, but I'm not ready to get into that yet!).  He ended up sitting behind Eric and the two of them were able to share so many "Special Needs Dad" stories. 
• We got to the Ronald McDonald House...this place is beyond AWESOME!!!  The boys went crazy with the enormous playroom and playground with a ton of tricycles...the entire place is immaculate and unbelievably kid-oriented.  Anyway...the House Manager let Eric know that just yesterday they had 6 people on the waiting list and had to turn all of them away...what??!!  So she says, "You guys got the last room..." and couldn't believe we had actually called this morning and were here.  Again, WHAT??!!  We get to our room -- it is on the end of the hall -- there is a small TV (we really needed this for Cade, so we were thrilled!)...Eric tries to connect to the internet and of course he is able to -- I guess usually end rooms have a better connection.  The House Manager gives him a tour and lets him know all of the places in the house that he will be able to connect wirelessly...the entire process is just so unbelievable that I cannot really say enough words about it...
• We went to eat tonight and met a lady when we were leaving that was super nice.  She was able to tell us where there was a Super Target (ok, those are just wonderful!!).  We went in to get some food for our pantry here at the Ron McD House.  The food was so unbelievably less expensive than SC I couldn't believe it (yes my coupon friends, be jealous...).  The amount for everything we purchased equalled exactly what we had left in my wallet for groceries...again, REALLY?!
• Cade bought a toy there and of course when we went to open it we couldn't get past the screwed in plastic (that is just the dumbest thing...).  Cade and I went back in to see if someone at Target could help.  There we met a sweet police officer who promptly set out finding screwdrivers to help us (all in all it took 3!!).  And where was he from?   Savannah, GA....just right down the road.  We shared a couple of good "South" stories before we left.

There is so much more to today, but I'm just slap wore out!  All in all our journey has started on an amazing note.  Tomorrow morning at 9:00 we begin Cade's therapy at the STAR Center.  We are nervous but anxious to get this show on the road.  I did take a couple of pics and videos today, and I'm hoping to get some uploaded on tomorrow's blog which will be written much earlier than tonight's!  We feel so strongly the support and prayers of all of our friends and family here...thank you for continuing to lift us up.  So until tomorrow, goodnight from Denver!

Denver Diary - 3 days to liftoff...

As I sit here listening to Eric refereeing the soccer game in the living room I have to smile.  Today has been a sensory-friendly Independence Day...sleeping in, taking it easy, grilling out at home, and a glow stick-fest when it gets dark.  We opted for both the noise and crowd-free option this year...I think it will be the best for us all. 

Today has allowed me to stop and breathe deep.  As our trip draws closer I cannot help but feel what those who have children waiting for a heart transplant or a life-saving surgery must surely feel.  Not that I am comparing Cade's disorder to a life-threatening illness.  But I think all of us who have a child with special needs have a common bond -- we are kindred spirits, I think.  We all wait anxiously for the next thing that will help...a new medication, a new doctor with a new diagnosis, a new therapy...whatever it takes to get us closer to normalcy.

I dread the many meltdowns, screaming, and tears that I know will come during this intensive therapy.  I am already steeling myself for the guttural sobs that I can feel coming up from deep within me...when I watch my little boy suffer for something that I know will only make him so much better.  I am bracing myself for the exhaustion and utter disagreement that will come as he tries to relax and cope after the intense tasks that will be asked of him.

I know that God will sustain me, sustain all of us, during this time of intensity.  I know that He will be there through every meltdown, every tear, and every feeling of helplessness that will come.  God has already brought us so far in this journey...and although I am anxious about what is to come I am also excited to get to the other side.  Because I know that without all of the pain there cannot be progress - there cannot be healing - and I know that will all be worth it in the end.

So today I just sit back and smile and I listen to the sweet sounds of my boys playing with Dad - "normal"sounds on this 4th of July - and look forward to our dark-thirty glow stick parade.  And I soak up the peace and sustenance that God is providing me to prepare for this journey.



Denver Diary - The countdown begins

Our countdown for our trip to the STAR Center in Denver, CO has begun - we are 5 days away.  This has already been such an unbelievable test of faith, patience, and trusting God.  For me that has not been easy.  It is certainly easy to "talk the talk," but actually "walking the walk" is certainly a different thing.  Going into this endeavor we knew just the monetary expense alone would be massive.  When all is said and done Cade's treatment at the STAR Center, the hotel for one month, a rental car for a month and airfare for two trips will cost us about the same as if we purchased a new car! (and that's WITHOUT us eating or doing any activities while we are there!).  Yes, daunting to say the least.  So we made our reservation at the STAR Center and began to fervently pray...

Long story short, God has revealed Himself in so many ways already.  We took everything we could out of our savings and scrimped for each paycheck to put whatever we could towards the trip.  After doing all we could we came up short about $6800.00.  Again, extremely daunting...but God has begun His work in a massive way. 

In just the last 2 weeks alone we have received several donations from family and friends, as well as the blessings of many prayer warriors who have stepped forward to agree with us.  I hope that each of them truly understands how much our family has been touched by their generosity, and pray that the blessing returns to each ten-fold.  This trip, though taxing in just about every way it could be, has quickly become a blessing to our family.  It is amazing how, when we are forced to rely solely on God, He changes our entire countenance. 

Though we are still short of our final goal, we truly believe God will continue to provide for us.  We know this trip is something we must do for our little boy, and we cannot wait to report back the miracles that occur.  We count it a great honor that God is allowing us to be a part of such an unbelievable move of Him.  During our time in Denver I will be posting daily (hopefully!) updates about what is happening with Cade and all that the therapists at the STAR Center are doing for him.  We are so excited, and very anxious, about the next several weeks.  But we know that whatever else, God will be in control of it all.

Just a reminder of what we're fighting for...

Soft Clothing and SPDBN Giveaway

Ok, folks...this one is a goodie.  Soft Clothing, a sensory-friendly clothing company, and the Sensory Processing Disorder Blogger Network have teamed together to give away over $250 in sensory-friendly prizes!!  I can't tell you how much we would LOVE to win this...and this blog entry telling you about it gets me 2 entries in the drawing pool! :)  Soft Clothing really is an excellent company for those of us with kiddos that need a little extra "sensory attention", so if you know of anyone who might benefit please send them the link!

http://www.softclothing.net/products/sale/giveaways/

Now good luck to us!!!

About your dad

My sweet boys...it's Father's Day today and I wanted to take the time to tell you a little about your dad.  I know you see him and play with him everyday.  But I want you to know things that you won't remember when you get older and life gets in the way.  For right now your innocence protects you from the many outside distractions that might cloud your judgement later...

Cade - when you were born your dad was in a country called Iraq.  He was a US Marine and was helping the people there to have a better life.  It took a long time for you to be born (an unbelievably long time!), and he called us every 30 minutes to see if you had decided to make an entrance into the world yet.  He loved you immediately, even though he was thousands of miles away. 

His love for you has never wavered.  Even though you struggle to do what is asked of you, he always tries so hard to have patience with you, to play with you the way he thinks you need it.  He has worked hard to learn all about your struggles and keeps working to help you try to find your way.  He might get loud or frustrated, but your dad will always love you...no matter what.  And you can always count on him to protect you, to stick up for you, and to always be there to play.

Kai - your dad has always loved you, too...even before you arrived.  When you were born your dad rushed off with the nurse and talked her into letting him give you your very first bath.  He was so excited that he was able to do that very first thing for you.  He helped to dress you and feed you from the very beginning.

And from that very first bath he has continued to be there for your "firsts."  When you weren't crawling or rolling over when they said you should, your dad was right there to help get you what you needed to catch you up.  And when you did catch up (very quickly!), he was there to teach you all of the things he had been waiting to teach you.  He will always be there to teach you those things...to help you learn what is important in this world.

So my little boys...I wanted you to know that you are very lucky today to have a special dad.  And when you grow up and move on to do great things, I want you to know that you can always, always, come back home to find your dad waiting with open arms.  We are blessed that God gave both of you to us, and I want you to know how blessed you are to have your dad today, when you are 4 and 2...I cannot wait to see what adventures the three of you continue to have

Thanks for the adventure...

This week Cade has been attending Vacation Bible School.  This is a pretty big deal since most of our "classroom" situations are not positive ones.  A local church in the area offered a small class for kiddos with special needs, and we were fortunate enough to get in.  I have been so excited about this experience for him...it is nice to have a soft place to fall with people who understand what he is going through.

Now actually getting up  for VBS has been a different story.  I am always amazed at how my children can sleep forever on the mornings when we have somewhere to be, but are up at the crack of dawn when we can stay home and sleep in.  This week has been no exception.  Each morning I have dragged the kids out of bed to get ready to go.  Usually they are wolfing down a paper bag breakfast in the car on the way, but we have made it on time. 

Cade has had a hard time transitioning in the mornings, so this morning I decided I wouldn't talk about VBS.  He was snoozing soundly (in our bed, of course) when I started waking him up...I dressed him in the bed and gave hm 5 more minutes...the whole routine.  I had already decided to let them get a biscuit at Hardees on the way, so I rushed them out of the door and off we flew into the crowded Hardees drive-thru. 

And of course...what comes out of Cade's mouth as we are pulling out???  "Mom, I have to go to the potty."  UHHHH!  So at this point I have a couple of choices.  I can take Cade's suggestion and go back home for him to go potty - which, I'm thinking would involve WAY too much transition for my comfort.  I can park the car, take both boys out of their car seats and brave the inside bathroom at Hardees- a better option, but very time-consuming and potentially dreadful (while Kai is already loudly exclaiming from the backseat, "ME OUT,TOO!"   OR I can take the easy, but probably illegal, way out.  I figure God blessed me with boys for a reason...

So, yes, I probably broke all kinds of laws at Hardees this morning.  I'm just hoping not too many of the diners, drivers, or other respectable members of society saw my 4-year-old's little white bum while he stood in front of our van this morning!  In the words of Michael W. Smith, "Saddle up your horses, we got a trail to blaze!"  As usual, boys, it is always an adventure with the two of you.  So today I just say, thank you for the adventure!  Your mom is blessed to have both of you, happy to watch you grow, and thrilled at all of the writing material you give me each day!

Blessings

Tonight I'm just a sad sack...there's just no other way to put it.  On almost every day I am able to celebrate the successes of both of our boys, find joy in all (ok, almost all!) that they do, and generally be thankful.  Today just hasn't been one of those days.  I'm not sure why that is, unless waking up to Cade's screaming from the backyard to let him in (yes, he had opened the door and was outside before we were even up) just sent my mind into a downward spiral for the day.  And the fact that a meltdown from my little man ensued quickly after he was pulled back inside the house lest he wake all the neighbors with his incessant hollering, maybe that was what really started it.  Whatever it was, today has just been a "down in the dumps" kinda day.

I hate to be sad.  Being sad makes you think about all of the rotten, unfair, unfriendly, and generally yucky things that are going on right now.  Being sad just magnifies everything that might be just a little bad on another day - makes things seem a much bigger deal than they would be any other time.  Being sad makes me grouchy, too...it makes me not want to try too hard to go out of my way to make anyone else feel better.

I talked to God today.  I will be honest and say I gave Him a piece of my mind.  I let Him know just how unfair it is that He made things hard, that things aren't the way I thought they would be.  I told Him all about how mad I am that He made my little boy struggle, how mad I am that his days aren't that of a typical little 4-year-old boy.  I squawked about how just watching him on the playground off in another world makes me cry for him.  But mostly I let God know how mad I am that He didn't make that change.

I heard one time that God doesn't mind when we feel the need to fuss at Him - that He can take it all.  I hope that is true.  I believe that God knows we sometimes need to unload our cares, and He is the only one that can take all of that pain and hurt and actually turn it into something good.  And I do believe that He knows that deep down I do still love and honor Him.  And that, even though I painfully crave with all that I am for Cade to just be a typical little boy and for us to go back to the day when things weren't wrong and he was just another happy little boy without a care in the world...even still I know that we will find ourselves blessed to have come through this trial stronger - more deeply thankful - than we would have ever been without it.

So I think it is ok to be sad sometimes.  For I think it is only in these most vunerable moments that we can find our true place in the world...and remember that this isn't really our world at all.  This temporary home has temporary trials.  We just have to find a way to muddle through - to be courageous, be honest, be dependent on Him - and just to sit back and enjoy the blessings...