Carousel of Progress

We've been toying with the idea of taking the kids to Disney World.  It's a scary thought, considering Cade barely made it though two days of Dollywood.  But Eric and I both love DW and we have been talking about how to make it a fun, s-l-o-w trip for the boys.  We have settled on next January, so that gives us plenty of time to plan.  We also found out that DW offers help for kids with autistic spectrum disorders/sensory processing disorders, so that helped make our decision.

In thinking about all of this it reminded me of the attraction at the Magic Kingdom called the "Carousel of Progress."  It's basically a huge round moving theater where the audience sees how progress in technology has been made through the years.  I think it was one of Walt Disney's first attractions at a World's Fair somewhere (my Disney history is a little rusty!), and it is very well done.  It has a very catchy, and addicting, theme song that is sung throughout the attraction...one that is sung by certain members of my family for months after a trip (and they even randomly break out in a rendition every now and then...).

Anyway, that ride reminds me of our journey with Cade.  SPD/ASD is truly a carousel of progress.  With each new technological invention to "better" our lives comes trials.  It is better in the long run (usually!) but we always have to work through the "kinks" to get to the best product.  The same is true with Cade's therapy.  With each new advancement a new issue comes up.  It isn't really worse, just different.  And so we spend more time to help "better" his life and work out the kinks, only to have a new trial come up.

I imagine it will always be like this, at least in these beginning stages of helping him.  Just like when the new stove was invented or refrigerators or air conditioning (Thank you, Lord!!) and they were sparkly and bright but had problems, people would work out the kinks to have the new product because it was worth it!!  This is something I continue to remind myself after a tough month like this one...we are doing all of this because it is worth it!! 

I hope that I can write all about our fabulous family trip next January and post pictures of my 2 little boys having the time of their lives.  I suspect that will come only with lots of patience, quiet time, and a bit of resistance on their parents' part to get it all in.  But whatever the outcome I know that it will certainly be a trip noteworthy of remembering, and hopefully one day one of looking back to see just how far we have come.

Amusing things at the park...

We were in Tennessee 2 days over Spring Break.  We went to Dollywood, and the kids were super excited.  There are a few things I've noticed about being in an amusement park.

First of all, everyone in the park (mostly) is just happy.  I mean goofy happy.  People will do things in an amusement park that they would never do in a "normal" place.  Like wave at people all over the park while riding on a train (or wave at the people actually on the train), and shout "Howdy!" at those same people.  Or wear the most ridiculous hats ever invented.  Or eat themselves silly just because the food looks and smells awesome, and because they see everyone else eating it!

I also noticed that nowhere else on earth would you subject yourself to spinning around and around until you are sick.  Or riding in a metal projectile that drops you at what seems like a zillion miles an hour from 85 feet in the air while hitting actual tree branches.  I mean, come on people...you're in the freaking trees!!  But I digress...

Being in an amusement park is well, amusing!  I love to people-watch and it's definitely one of the best places to do it.  And I'm sure somewhere there is someone writing a blog right now about me and my family and 2 little boys, and all of the craziness that they saw from us!    But until next time, I guess we'll keep that craziness a secret (only because I agreed to protect the identity of the innocent family members who were with me!).

Pull-Ups Part 2

So I'm becoming an expert on the ingredients in Pull-Ups.  Our toilet still holds the contents of the flushing fiasco earlier in the week.  And as I sit here now taking a break from frantically packing for a week-long trip to NC, I am waiting for my final load of laundry to dry.  The load that is actually covered in lovely white lint and sticky goo - yes, folks, all from a washed Pull-Up.

As I sit hear waiting to hopefully be able to shake off the nastiness and rewash my clothes, I cannot help but think about how this latest incident compares to our lives.  We move about our lives unassuming, expecting that all will go as we plan.  We expect that our families will be healthy, our homes will be peaceful -- we expect that all will be beautiful.  Then, WHAM,,,out of nowhere we are thrown a curve ball.  The car won't start, the kids get sick...one of our children gets diagnosed with a life-changing disorder.  Life suddenly isn't what we planned.  Our once beautiful life is suddenly covered with white lint and sticky goo.

Over the past several months I have reflected so much on how our life is different than what we planned.  But isn't everyone's?  I mean, don't we all deflect curve balls each and every day (or so it seems!).  It is hard not to be sad when things in our lives don't turn out the way we thought they might.  It is hard not to mourn, even, for what we thought it would be.

When we first got Cade's diagnosis someone sent me a copy of a poem called, "Welcome to Holland."  It talks about saving your entire life for a trip to Italy.  You have bought all of the guide books, learned the language -- you've been ready for this trip your entire life.  The plane finally lands and you suddenly hear, "Welcome to Holland!"  WHAT?!  But this isn't what was supposed to happen...this isn't the right trip.  This certainly isn't what you planned for - what you expected. 

But you soon learn that there are great things in Holland.  The flowers are beautiful, the land is gorgeous, and the language is beautiful.  Holland isn't Italy - it is not what you expected - but it is certainly great.  It just moves at a slower pace than Italy.  And though you may never forget how much you wanted to go to Italy, and even still miss all that you thought you would experience there, without the change in venue you would have never experienced all of the wonderful things about Holland.  (read the entire poem at http://users.erols.com/jmatts/welcome%20to%20holland.html)

So...although our life is sometimes covered in sticky goo - it may not be what we expected as parents - we have the joy of experiencing such treasures in our little boy that we would have never experienced without this opportunity to be his mom and dad.  And no matter what I am thankful for that each and every day - sticky goo and all!

Pull-ups, floods, nakedness, and dress-ups

So this week has been a little crazy.  I say that like it's been different from any other week in our house.  But for some reason especially nutty things have happened this week.  It seems as if a bizarre vibe has been floating around the Muckin household.  Specifically when it comes to the boys.

On Tuesday morning all was well...the boys woke up easy in a great mood, I had gotten lots done before taking them to school, lunches were packed...just a good old-fashioned feel good morning.  We even had a close call avoided when Cade flushed a Pull-Up down the toilet.  Now as you sit there gasping (or probably laughing, especially if you're family!), note that I saw him do this.  Of course I didn't see him until he pushed the flusher down.  I ran to the swirling bowl just in time to see the absorbent wonder fly down the hole, rather easily I might add.  Whew -- a potential disaster avoided!  As I was counting my blessings I asked Cade, "Why did you flush the Pull-Up down the potty?"  His answer was simple..."Because the trash can wasn't in here."  And off he went on his merry way.

It wasn't until Eric came home around 5:30 and actually entered the bathroom that I realized that the close call hadn't actually been avoided.  His wet socks were a testament to the problem - the super absorbency wonder had apparently absorbed itself all the way to filling up the potty pipes.  My ignorance of the situation was a testament to just how much time I have during the day - I hadn't even been in the bathroom!!

On Wednesday Cade and his friends from across the street (they're all girls, which is important later in this story...) were outside in the backyard playing.  This is common - the girls come over almost every day to play, much to my boys' joy.  They are very comfortable with each other at this point - they pretty much love and fight like brothers and sisters. 

I wasn't sure just how comfortable they were until one of the little ladies comes in to politely tell me that Cade is naked in the backyard.  Yes, folks, she said NAKED.  I half run outside, trying to be inconspicuous with my shock and embarrassment, to see my oldest son strolling around the yard without clothes.  He came when I called, followed by the gaggle of girls all holding his clothes.  Of course, as always he had a clear indisputable answer for the question as to why he had on no clothes..."Because I spilled lemonade all over them and they were wet."  His sensory issues will simply not let him tolerate wet clothes on most days, and this was one of those days.  So as embarrassed as I was for him (because y'all KNOW I'm gonna use this against him later in life!), I was proud of him that he simply alleviated the problem instead of having a meltdown.  As I've said before, we celebrate the small stuff!  So watch out Naked Cowboy - you might have some competition!

Tonight it was just me and the boys at home.  All showered up and in their pj's we were in Cade's room dancing to music relaxing after the crazy week.  The two of them got into the dress up chest and "enhanced our music experience" with a variety of costumes.  Kai finally settled on a pirate hat and a microphone and Cade found his way into a spider costume which he says he plans on sleeping in.  I just sat on the floor and watched and laughed with them, enjoying their company and remembering why I wanted so badly to be a mom.  These crazy things that happen each day will only be a small glimpse of the past soon, for it won't be long before spending time with Mom will not be on their agenda.  So I thank God for the crazy things (ok, maybe not RIGHT when they're happening, but still...), and sit back and hold my breath for tomorrow's memory.

"The Misunderstood Child" by Kathy Winters

I am the child that looks healthy and fine.
I was born with ten fingers and toes.
But something is different, somewhere in my mind,
And what it is, nobody knows.

I am the child that struggles in school,
Though they say that I'm perfectly smart.
They tell me I'm lazy -- can learn if I try --
But I don't seem to know where to start.

I am the child that won't wear the clothes
Which hurt me or bother my feet.
I dread sudden noises, can't handle most smells,
And tastes -- there are few foods I'll eat.

I am the child that can't catch the ball
And runs with an awkward gait.
I am the one chosen last on the team
And I cringe as I stand there and wait.

I am the child with whom no one will play --
The one that gets bullied and teased.
I try to fit in and I want to be liked,
But nothing I do seems to please.

I am the child that tantrums and freaks
Over things that seem petty and trite.
You'll never know how I panic inside,
When I'm lost in my anger and fright.

I am the child that fidgets and squirms
Though I'm told to sit still and be good.
Do you think that I choose to be out of control?
Don't you know that I would if I could?

I am the child with the broken heart
Though I act like I don't really care.
Perhaps there's a reason God made me this way --
Some message he sent me to share.　

For I am the child that needs to be loved
And accepted and valued too.
I am the child that is misunderstood.
I am different - but look just like you.

Brothers bring out the best in us...

This morning I woke up to Cade bouncing out of our bed.  Yes, we are STILL having sleeping problems...but that's another story.  He jumped up in a great mood and talking, which isn't always that unusual.  Actually the unusual thing happened next.

I heard little voices coming from Kai's room.  My curiosity finally got the best of me and I strolled in there to see Cade in Kai's crib.  They were deep in play and deep in animated conversation.  I'm still not sure what they were playing, but I did catch Cade asking Kai how much he would pay for something so I'm assuming it was some kind of store game.  The two continued to play inside the crib for a few minutes and then made their way out (Kai with help, thank goodness!), and then continued to play in Kai's room for the next 30 minutes.

This may sound like no big deal to most families...just another weekday morning.  But it is a HUGE deal for us.  You see, Cade doesn't always do well playing with others.  Let's just say he is "socially awkward."  Whether it is from his sensory issues or other things, he struggles with other kids.  And this includes his brother.  He is usually pretty passive when it comes to Kai.  They might play together, but certainly not to the extent of what I saw this morning.  They were both so excited to be playing with each other!

Needless to say this made my day.  I quickly said a prayer to thank God for this moment in time, however brief it was, and asked that He burn it into my memory to bring back whenever I need it.  There are so many times when Cade struggles so much just to be accepted, to be "normal."  There are so many times we cry for him - it is heartbreaking to watch your little boy struggle to do what most little boys come by so naturally.  So I need to have a little repertoire that I can draw from when times get hard with him. 

So today I thank God for this special time between my two little boys.  And I thank Him for allowing me to have a glimpse into what I am sure it must be like in Heaven!

Dodging Bullets

We have many "dodge the bullet" moments in our house each day.  There is no less than 15 times a day that I think, "I have no idea how he didn't get hurt!"  The boys continue to surprise me, first of all, by what they choose to get in to and, secondly, how they manage to (usually) walk away unscathed.

We bought a house in late October and moved.  It's a great house - around 35 years old, one-story on the river.  It was only owned by one family and the man was an engineer, so he put the best things inside of it that have withstood very well through the years.  Eric and I often joke, "It can make it almost 40 years but it only takes our boys a few months to break it!" 

Anyway, we haven't made many changes in the house since we've moved in.  In fact, most everything looks exactly the same.  We figure we'll be here forever so why rush to get things done?  We have a gas fireplace in our den.  Obviously we don't use it much here in the Charleston area, so we haven't yet updated the gas logs inside, which are broken up a little and unusable.  We have left them inside just so there would be something, figuring we would eventually buy new ones.

Eric and I are in the other room this afternoon actually having a conversation.  The fact that we were able to have a conversation for longer than 10 minutes should have been our first clue that something was amiss.  I'm not sure what was the reason that caused Eric to go into the den.  All I know was what followed...you gotta love it when you hear your spouse say, "Hey insert your name here, get in here, and bring insert your child's name here with you!!"  So I grab Cade by the hand, who by this time has tired of whatever is going on in the den and has meandered into the other room with us, and off we go towards the somewhat frantic voice of the male parent of the house.

Remember the gas logs I mentioned?  Yes, that was the item of choice today.  We entered the room to see the graphic display of what once were complete gas logs broken up into no less than 57 pieces and scattered around the room.  And there's Kai proudly saying, "Wood!"  And there's Cade standing beside me calmly, apparently having no idea what has caused the frantic call of his father.  "What did you guys do?!" I ask, although it was quite obvious...and again I hear my 2-year-old explain it to me..."Wood!" 

So it appears that it took our boys deciding to redecorate the fireplace area for us to clean out that fireplace...we spent the next 30 minutes cleaning up the mess.  I will never forget Eric's comment in the middle of the display..."What a great family activity!"  I must say the kids did seem to enjoy the treasure hunt of finding all of the pieces of "wood," and we were able to use it as a teaching moment about what NOT to do and what MIGHT happen IF, and so on and so on... (I think this falls into that same category as yesterday...what you should tell your children that you never thought you would need to tell them...).

Today we bypassed another injury...Eric and I don't even want to think about what could have happened to the little feet and hands from the broken logs.  I said a prayer of thankfulness, again, and asked God to please give our Guardian Angels a raise.  By now they must by asking for a transfer...

Things you should tell your children...

Today is Saturday in the spring, which means birthday parties abound.  We are heading to one today, and the boys are super excited (much more excited than their parents!).  So we got them ready and sent them outside to express their excitement out of earshot. :)

Eric is in the shower when I hear him say, "The lights!"  I notice that the fan has stopped running and I'm pretty sure I heard the air conditioner click off (and considering it's 88 degrees here today that's a stress-maker...).  Now let me say that my handy husband (you can hear the sarcasm, can't you?!) got up this morning and worked on two of our lights that were not working.  Granted, one only needed a light bulb and the other only needed a pull string.  But our first reaction is, "Wonderful...that was too good to be true!"  And not just me...he said the same thing.

Nevertheless, I run out to the garage to the location of the breaker box to see if I can figure out the problem while Eric finishes his dark shower.  Much to my surprise (although I'm not sure why I was surprised!) I see Cade sitting on top of the storage container that is on top of the table that is directly in front of our breaker box. 

Now maybe somewhere on earth there is a mom that would not have immediately assumed her 4-year-old was the culprit of this little electrical debacle.  But not this mom...I immediately say, "Did you touch the breaker box?!"  Of course he says, "What?" - maybe because he doesn't know what a breaker box is, but probably because he is thinking of how he is going to get out of this situation..  You see, we never TOLD him not to touch the breaker box (or even what a breaker box is, for that matter!).  We just assumed that he wouldn't touch it.  And you know what they say about assuming...

So I say all of this to say that there are many things you should tell your children that you never thought you would need to tell them.  In this crazy world there are dangers that we never thought would exist.  I mean, let's face it...we traveled on vacation every year playing in the back of the car with no seat belts and we were always just fine.  But it's different now.  So this little episode reminds me that we should pray for our children daily - for those crazy little things that we never know might creep up and put our kids in danger. 

The rest of the story?  Yes, Cade HAD touched the breaker box.  In fact he had every single one of them turned to the "off" position.  Eric quickly remedied the problem, we explained to Cade the seriousness of what he had just done, and breathed yet another sigh of relief.  It's just another Muckin Moment around here...

"Little Guy"

There are many days that I sit back and try to take in all that is our life.  I know that in the midst of the crazy things that happen in our household there can always be found some important life lessons.  This is most often true with Cade and Kai.

In the midst of learning about Cade's diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder and all that comes with it I am often consumed with making sure that his "Sensory Diet" needs are being met.  I am always thinking about whether he's getting enough swinging, when was the last time I brushed him, what kind of schedule are we on...and so it goes.  I often forget that he is also a 4-year-old little boy full of curiosity and wonder.

Today as I sat in our den doing laundry I could hear him long before I saw him..."Hi little guy!  How are you little guy?"  He is always talking to something imaginary, but I could tell as his excited voice got closer that he had found something.  In he came with what I thought was a feather.  "Look at my little guy, mom!  He's so cute!  Wanna touch him?"  And up to me he comes with a butterfly in his hand...just sitting there on his hand letting Cade pet his wings.  I was surprised...and so excited that my little boy was able to experience the wonder of nature in such a real way.  "I wanna keep him...do you have something I can put him in?"  Of course I found a bowl, all the while just praying that he didn't squish the tiny creature in his hand. 

As he bounced outside to show Kai his new "Little Guy" I thanked God for Cade.  Each day we do have trials with him, but they are getting fewer on most days when things are going well.  I am able to have conversations with him that are always so funny or inquisitive, like the one where I found out he planned to be a zucchini farmer and marry the little 5-year-old who lives across the street and have 30 kids (Lord help us all!).  In the midst of dealing with his special needs I sometimes get lost in all of our compromises, when I should sit back and enjoy his mischievousness and imagination.  I am thankful that today was one of those days where I could do the latter, if even for just a moment.  I have a good feeling that 4 is going to be a good year!

As for the butterfly?  I had to sit and explain to a very unhappy little boy that God did not make butterflies to be kept in bowls, but to fly around so that we could enjoy them.  And that he would be able to show another "Little Guy" to Kai next time since this one flew away...